dead to me yoongi x hoseok ff
by rainnynightts
Summary: 'Yoongi and Hoseok are so happy together. Do you think they'll ever have a fight' 'You never know. I just hope it doesn't break him.' Yoongi and Hoseok are gay and happy but Hoseok loses feelings for his lover and cheats. When Yoongi finds out, he snaps and does something he'll regret his whole life.
1. prologue

There was blood everywhere. On my hands, on the floor, on his skin. The walls had been painted with a dark red and a type of carelessness that could only be found in abstract art. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing when I looked at him. He was my everything and here he was; dead.

I could barely breathe, I could barely focus on anything except the lifeless body lying in front of me and the boy who'd once been my lover. He would no longer smile with me or cry with me; nor would he ever be in pain again. He was dead.

The door opened and I heard five collective gasps as the other boys walked into the room. I could hear Namjoon calling the police and Seokjin calling an ambulance. I heard crying and gasping for breath but I couldn't focus on anything other than his lifeless body in front of me.

'I could've stopped it. I _should've _stopped it. I just didn't…'

The sirens could be heard less than five minutes later and Hoseok was inspected by paramedics then hauled up onto a stretcher. Their faces were grim when they examined the body in front of them and I knew that they were looking for any signs of life. I knew they wouldn't find any though. I knew it.

I could hear heavy footsteps hauling up the police officers to our apartment floor. They weren't careful or respectful about our living space at all and ran straight into the room with guns pointed and the barrels were pushed against my head.

'On the floor! Now!'

I did as I was told and could see Hoseok's body leave the room. A sob escaped me and the tears came down even harder than before. Everything was blurry. My heart was racing.

Hands grabbed at me and someone pulled one of my arms behind my back, twisted. I screamed in pain and looked at the officer's blurry face. He said nothing but looked at me with his stone cold eyes and I felt absolutely weak in his gaze.

More tears. More pain

The officer who'd pulled my arm behind my back, hoisted me up off the floor and pushed me to make me walk. I resisted against the force and looked back at all the blood in the room. Everything had been either pushed out of the way or blood stained or broken throughout the past twenty minutes and my home no longer looked like a home.

I could see the knife that had been in my hand only five minutes prior and I could see it's blood stained metal. My breathing slowed to the point where I was choking on my tears and I screamed in frustration. The police officer holding me, handcuffed me and and pushed me again.

This time, I didn't resist and was led into the darkness.


	2. chapter 1

One month earlier

'I love you Hoseok.'

'I love you too Yoongi.'

Most of our days over the past three weeks had been spent curled up on the couch watching cheesy 90's movies and today was no exception. The feeling of Hoseok's shirt against my face made my heart jump and my mind start racing with thoughts.

He was my sole purpose to wake up in the morning, my reason to get out of bed and my motivation to take care of myself. He was my everything; my one and only lover.

I could feel Hoseok's gaze on me as I nuzzled my head further into his chest and he bent down to kiss me on top of my head. My heart skipped a beat and I turned myself over to stare up at his face. My head rested comfortably on his lap.

'Do these movies ever get old for you?' I asked him. 'They have the same plot and similar characters…'

'I guess,' Hoseok said, looking up at the tv screen. 'It would be more interesting to make my own movie.'

He looked down at me and I examined his face. His beautiful eyes, so dark that I could swear they were black. I could get lost in those eyes for hours and I wouldn't complain. His lips, so luscious and plump; I'd love to kiss them.

After a few more moments of just staring at each other, I leaned upwards and put my lips to his. I closed my eyes and felt my heart flutter. I could feel Hoseok kiss back and it wasn't soft and delicate like I'd imagined. Instead he kissed with a kind of passion and intensity that I loved and I put my hand up to cup his cheek.

'I love you so much,' I whispered between kisses and opened my eyes to look at Hoseok again.

Before I could take in his beauty again, I heard the door open and close and saw Namjoon and Seokjin enter the living room. Hoseok blushed and I felt my face go warm in embarrassment. Slowly, I removed my hand from Hoseok's face and sat up beside him, still leaning on his shoulder.

'You two should get a room for that,' Namjoon said, smirking and the two boys walked into the kitchen to unload the groceries that they'd bought.

'Maybe later we'll be able to have some privacy,' I whispered and saw Hoseok's face go even redder.

I stood up to pick up the empty bowl sitting on the coffee table that had been filled with popcorn earlier and I took it to the kitchen to wash up. Seokjin was busy taking out apples, carrots and all sorts of other stuff from their bags and sorted them out in the fridge while Namjoon was sitting down and drinking a glass of water.

'You two are really happy, huh?' I heard Namjoon say as I moved towards the sink.

'Yeah,' I said keeping my head down to hide my smile and turned on the faucet to wash up the bowl.

'Oh my God, is that Yoongi smiling?' he said laughing to himself. 'I didn't even know that was possible.'

'Shut up,' I warned but I couldn't stop myself from grinning when I saw Hoseok standing in the doorway. He must've turned off the tv and come over after I'd gotten up.

'Are you guys finished with the car?' he asked, looking at me.

'Yeah. It's all yours, lovebirds,' Seokjin said and Namjoon didn't even try to stifle his laugh at the mockery.

Hoseok said nothing and walked over to me, keeping his eyes trained on me. He grabbed my arm and led me out to where the car was parked. I couldn't help but stare at him with a confused look but he just smiled and opened the passenger door for me to sit down. He walked over to the other side of the car to get in.

He looked at me and grinned even wider. My heart was beating so fast that I thought it would come out of my chest and my mind raced with thoughts. _Where are we going?_

Almost as if Hoseok could read my mind, he answered my question.

'I'm taking you on our first official date.'


	3. chapter 2

We were driving for about an hour before Hoseok finally stopped and we seemed to be at some sort of forest. There was a huge mountain protruding from the middle of the area and it was so densely covered with trees that it looked like a green lump. It was still daylight but I knew that it wouldn't be too long until sunset.

'C'mon,' Hoseok said, stepping out of the car.

I followed his lead and got out of my seat, still as confused as ever. Hoseok walked around to the back of the car and grabbed a blanket and basket out of the trunk before shutting it. _What is he doing? _

However, I couldn't stop myself from grinning as he slung the blanket over his shoulder and held my hand in his own. I looked down at our hands and then back up at Hoseok's face to see him smiling at me.

'C'mon,' he repeated and led me further into the trees.

My legs were burning by the time we reached the top of the mountain and I almost collapsed on the spot but Hoseok put down the basket and blanket and rushed over to grab me. Luckily, he got to me before I touched the ground and sat me against a tree nearby. He kneeled down in front of me and I looked down at the dirt.

'Are you okay?' he asked and I could hear worry tracing his voice and concern written all over his face. I looked up and managed to give him a small smile but I couldn't hold it as my stomach twisted and I leaned over to my right to vomit.

I knew why this was happening but I didn't dare speak the facts. I really wanted to enjoy this evening with my boyfriend but my stupid body had to ruin it all. _Why didn't I just eat?_

Hoseok grabbed a water bottle from inside the basket and handed it to me but I was too weak to open the lid and handed it back to him. I could hear him mumble something as he twisted the cap off and put the bottle into my hand again. His hand stayed over mine and he guided the bottle to my mouth so that I wouldn't drop it or spill any.

'How did I get so lucky to have such a wonderful boyfriend?' I asked no one in particular. This time, when I tried to smile, it didn't seem so forceful and I actually managed without grimacing instead.

But Hoseok looked at me and smiled sadly. 'A good boyfriend wouldn't have brought you hiking when it was getting late.'

My hand drifted up to his face and shakily touched his chin, pulling his gaze to me. 'You didn't realise that this would happen,' I started and shook my head. 'I haven't eaten in three days, it's not your fault.'

I tried for another smile but Hoseok looked shocked and worried.

'Why not? You need to eat Yoongi!' His face had 'concern' written out in huge letters but I didn't want this to ruin our night so I turned to the basket.

'What did you bring?' I asked, trying to change the subject and looking away from him. I didn't want him to worry but he had the right to know.

'Just some sandwiches and chocolate… Yoongi, why didn't you tell me?' Hoseok asked and directed my face back to his with his hand.

I looked at him and then down at the ground between us. 'I didn't want you to worry,' I said sheepishly.

Hoseok's hand left my face and I looked up to see it running through his hair instead. He was looking into the distance and seemed to be thinking about something.

'I'm sorry,' I said trying to stand up. 'I shouldn't have said anything…'

But as soon as I got off the ground, I immediately fell back down and felt my stomach twist again. _I will not vomit, I will not vomit, I will not vomit._

Needless to say, I threw up again.

'Here,' I heard Hoseok say, but he sounded far away. 'You need to eat.'

I felt a hand snake it's way into my own and a sandwich was placed inside of my palm. I looked down at my hand and saw a ham, lettuce and tomato sandwich was inside.

'Thanks,' I mumbled and looked up at Hoseok.

He smiled and sat down beside me. I could feel the warmth that his body was producing and wanted nothing more than to be back at the dorm, snuggling in my bed with him. 'Now eat.'

My eyes moved to the sandwich in front of me and I traced the shape of the different elements. My stomach really didn't feel like being filled but I could feel Hoseok watching me so I nibbled on part of the bread. I felt a pair of lips press against the top of my head and an arm wrap around me, pulling me closer to him. I continued to eat, slowly, and put my head on Hoseok's chest.


	4. chapter 3

Once I'd swallowed the last bit of the sandwich, I laid there with my head on Hoseok's chest for another moment. I closed my eyes and breathed in the scent of his clothes - masculine cologne and fabric softener. In this moment, right now, I was calm and I could breathe for once. Anything was possible; I could be healthy again, I could be with someone I love, I could finally be happy.

I felt Hoseok's body move and could feel the pressure of his gaze on the back of my head. Maybe he could sense my thoughts racing because he put both his arms around me and just held tight - kept me present in this moment.

I never wanted this moment to end, I wanted to sit here with my head against my boyfriend's chest forever and I never wanted to move.

'What are you thinking about?' I heard Hoseok say and my thoughts flurried around my head for a moment before dissipating and leaving me with the forest, and the cool night's air, and Hoseok's warmth around me.

'You want the truth or nah?' I answered while propping myself up on one hand and turning to face him so that I was leaning over his body.

'The truth,' he said.

'The truth is that I'm thinking about you and this moment and _us_ but that's pretty cliche and I guess romantic-'

Then I felt his lips on mine and my stomach turned into the flurry of butterflies. Hoseok's kiss was passionate but gentle, as if he was afraid I might break. I brought my hand that wasn't holding my body up, closer to his face to cup his cheek and pull him closer to my body. I realised my eyes were still open, looking into his face and closed them to enjoy the moment.

We were an _us_ and I was totally okay with that. I wasn't worried about anything or anyone else, only him and his lips on mine.

Slowly, Hoseok pulled away and I could feel myself blush and get all flustered. In an attempt to hold onto my pride, I shoved my face into his chest and held onto him. I felt the pressure of his arm fall onto my back and his chin rest upon my head.

'I love you Yoongi' he whispered into my hair and I smiled into the fabric of his shirt.

'I love you too.'

After about 30 minutes of Hoseok and I snuggling against the tree and sharing each other's warmth, we finally decided to hike back down the mountain. The air had become frigid and quite frankly, cold - so much so that I was shaking in the darkness.

But it was a good night, the kind of night that I wouldn't want to forget in a hurry. I looked up at the moon and watched the stars shine in the darkness. I thought about how each star is a certain amount of light time away from earth and how we're not really seeing the star how it is now. For example, a star that is eight light years away, shines eight year old light onto earth and we're looking eight years into the past when we look at the star. I thought and thought and thought about the stars because when you think about it, stars are kind of fascinating.

I looked away from the night sky and instead turned my attention to Hoseok, whose eyes were glancing between me and the path ahead of us as we forged onwards through the darkness. I felt his hand snake it's way into my own and I smiled at him.

For a few minutes, we walked like that; in silence, holding hands as we walked in this forest. It was a nice moment - we seemed to be having a lot of those throughout the night - and I realised just how strong my feelings for him had become over the past few weeks.

'Have you ever just looked at the stars and just _thought_?' I asked suddenly.

I guess the question had come as a surprise to Hoseok but it was an even bigger surprise to me. I hadn't been planning to break our silence but it had happened naturally and I wasn't going to complain if it gave me a chance to talk to my lover.

'No, not really…' he said and turned his face towards me, never once faltering in his footsteps.

'Well… they're really fascinating to look at…' I replied and I wasn't really sure where I was going to take the conversation until a question struck me. 'What do you usually think about when you're alone?'

Hoseok focused his head back to the path in front of us and was quiet for a second. 'I guess… I guess I think about you… I think about the future I'm gonna have…'

For a moment, he was silent again until I felt his gaze move back to me and he corrected his last statement. 'The future that we're gonna have.'

I realised then that we'd arrived back at the car and stopped walking. I could see Hoseok trying to read my face and I felt my cheeks heating up, felt them start to go red.

I tried not to let it show and hid my face by looking sheepishly down at the ground. But I was excited at the idea of a future with him. A future with my lover. So I smiled and hugged him, breathing in his scent to ground myself in this place, this moment.


End file.
